When tragedy strikes

We share the grief of her family, friends and colleagues.

We are acutely aware that it could have been any of us, could have been any number of loved ones in our lives.

We feel the anguish and anger of decent people the world over who condemn acts of terrorism.

But please, can our national paper please stop referring to her as Singapore's first terror victim? I find it objectionable that the nation's obsession with being first and best at the finish line should be extended to a victim of senseless violence.

And they will love again

They have, in their separate lives, found love, won and then lost.

In their separate ways, they were trying to re-build their lives.

Somewhere during their individual journey to recovery, they met.

They each have their strengths and weaknesses; they have different hopes and fears. They opened hearts and minds to each other and made the brave decision to go the rest of life's journey together.

I finally see them in their home, see the life they are building, meet the supportive friends and family they have.

I know they will be alright - they have found themselves in each other. And they will love again.

The real story of the Lion King

Of all creatures in the animal kingdom, the lion captures the imagination of alpha males of the homo sapiens species.

The lion is handsome guy, big and powerful. He is served by the females in the pride who do the hunting and raise his cubs. The King spends most of his days laying on his back, soaking up the sun and airing his balls. This is the life, and the natural roles for males and females.

But that's just half the story. The lion king chases out the male cubs when they are half grown, who then join other lone males to form bachelor bands. These young males now cruise the land, looking for a pride to take over from the established male. There will be skirmishes, and usually the old boy is able to scare off the boys by posturing and growling. But eventually, the boys will actually engage the old lion and in the confrontation that follows, the old boy will likely be injured and chased out. He usually dies soon after from starvation because of injuries which make hunting impossible.The young victors will then fight among themselves, and the last one standing is now king of the pride.

What follows is gruesome - the new male proceeds to kill the cubs; the females are not strong enough to successfully defend their young. Now the young king has truly established himself as king of his pride, and a new batch of cubs will soon be born. And life goes on until he grows old and is in turn challenged by bachelor bands to dethrone him.

I love telling this story at dinners where there are insufferable male chauvinists. Yes, the lion pride epitomizes the natural order of gender roles. Heh.

Year end season

I have been out doing plenty of recce work lately - checking out the stores, happening events, makan places. No, it's not specifically for the year end holiday season. It is so I know where to take the relay of visitors I will have over the next two months.

I am not good with seasonal shopping crowds to begin with. At this time of the year, the endless Christmas tunes make me go ape shit (pardon me language, but I can't think of another word).

Oh, all versions of Yuletide music - traditional, pop, jazz, R&B, cheena, cheesy, children. Everywhere, playing on and on mercilessly in a loop. In shopping centres, on the streets, in Korean BBQs, in hawker centres. I really can't take much more of this.

I have to consider ear-plugs to see myself through the season.

Oh Bah Hum Bah.

I do love the decorations and lights though. Maybe I'll make it through cheerfully enough yet.

Individuals as couples

I used to hold the view that a couple are just two individuals in a relationship. Therefore the deeds, words, behaviour, or viewpoint of one should not be presumed to be binding on the other.

I have since changed my stand.

If the one has unacceptable traits, and the other never protests or apologises for them, then the only logical conclusion is that they share the same values, that the one acts, speaks, thinks the same as the other.

The earlier stand is an intellectual notion conceived by naive expectations of a young forgiving mind; the latter is harsh reality brutally driven into the conscious by the experience of life and passage of time.

p.s. I miss being young and dumb.

What I Say, What I Think

Case 1

she (on phone) : We have not heard from you for so long. I suppose you are busy.
me : Not busy at all. You must have been busy.
she: Yes. Been so busy. Been travelling so much. Times now so hard. I cannot retire like you. I have to save $5 million before I can think about retiring.
me : Oh, like that you have to work very hard for a very long time more.

My real thoughts: Oh go on. No one can save $5million.

Case 2

she (after dinner) : You guys make the most fantastic arrangements. I don't know how you do it.
me: Just pick a restaurant, phone friends, go. You can arrange the next one.
she: Oh yes. I will, I will. We really enjoy doing things with you guys so much.
me: We hear from you soon then.

My real thoughts: I am not holding my breath. Would have asphyxiated long time ago.

Case 3:

she (via sms) : Hi. Have not seen u guys in ages. Been busy?
me : Not busy at all. U dropped out of sight saying u very busy.
she: Sigh. Yes, move office then business slowing down. Then my son had to change school because he diagnosed with aspergers. Wish I not so busy. Do u see (so-and-so) and (so-and-so).
me : So u still busy and yes, I see (so-and-so) and (so-and-so)
she: Sigh. We have been dropped from everybody's radar. I guess we are no longer useful.
me : When were you ever useful to anyone?

My real thoughts : when were you ever useful to anyone?

One day, when I am really old enough to be excused for being cranky, I will say what I really think all the time. That day may not be so far away.

On going natural

I did the Californian thing when I lived there. I did the beach thing, the pool thing, the suntan thing. I was gloriously tanned year round. But the combination of sun, sea and chlorine did serious damage to my once beautiful thick black tresses.

Sun-bleached and chlorine-stripped raven black hair is like sickly reddish brown burnt straw.

The hair dresser suggested I coloured my hair aubergine to give it depth. I loved it. So I carried on colouring my hair in the burgundy, violet, plum hues.

Well, colouring does its share of damage to hair too.

I did a drastic hair-colour thing in June - I had strips of hair totally bleached and then streaked in violet. The highlights were glorious.

Then they started to fade about 2 months ago and turned an HDB-auntie orange. I could not decide what next to do, so I left it alone. I also skipped the touch-up session because my hair really felt tortured.

I though I would "go natural" for a while; take a break from the tiresome demands of beauty regiments. I thought of the girlfriend who said she would not colour her hair anymore once she retired from work. I asked how much grey she has now. She said unflinchingly, "About 50%".

I realised I did not know how much grey I have. I coloured my hair before I had grey hair, and had kept it up. So, during this rest-the-hair stage, I found that I am about 20% grey. I am alright with that.

I also saw the shock on my girlfriend's face at lunch; she could not take her eyes off the now white/dull black/brown/HDB orange mess on my head. I could just see the questions in her eyes. "Are you alright? Is everything alright? You can tell me, you know."

My resolve to go natural vanished right then. I did a small touch up job to cover the white and black roots and will consider torturing my hair again soon.

I cannot do natural. I don't have the courage..

A very personal decision

We are soul mates and lovers. We conquered the twin obstacles of distance and time. We are finally together living our lives as we have always wanted to.

There is no need for the legal status marriage. That we have both been married before and know that the best of intentions can be attrited over time by divergent goals makes us skeptical about the institution of marriage. That piece of paper cannot keep two people together when they do not want to be; it most certainly cannot make the two love each other more. It just makes it difficult for the two to separate and get on with their lives.

So we would have been blissfully happy to carry on with the status quo, building a beautiful and meaningful life together. Over the years, we pooled our resources and capabilities. Over the years, the wealth (quantitative and qualitative) we accumulated became greater than the sum of its parts.

Then a chance reading of inheritance rights got us to thinking about legal protection. We hated the idea that at the worst possible time in either of our lives, that family has the right to challenge provisions we have made for each other.

So, quietly, on a beautiful sunny day some time ago, with just the two requisite witnesses who are the closest of friends, the man and I got married.

And nothing has changed. Not the way friends who always thought we were an old married couple viewed us; not the foes who are still waiting for bad things to happen to us, not the way we go about our lives.

There is poetic beauty in the simple clarity with which we made our decision.

Junk Mail

Ooooh...I really detest how my particulars get sold to mailing lists.

I picked up this highly time sensitive correspondence from this rag mag that just will not die. Wah, the envelope says adult signature requested, and registered tracking number XXXX some more, then it gets dropped by regular snail mail. Duh??

The letter goes:

Dear Ms (my name),

Please don't discuss this letter with anyone.

In your hands are exclusive documents that not everyone, including neighbours of yours in (my address) is eligible to receive. You, Ms (my name) are the one and only person in all of Singapore who can use your 6 non-transferable Prize Draw Numbers imprinted on the enclosed form for your chance to win an instant cash transfer in the amount of S$200,00.

ya da ya da ya da. Two full pages later,

If we don't hear from you by the stipulated closing date, any chance of transferring funds to your bank account will be lost.

This has been a private correspondence.

Sincerely,

(rubber stamp signature of person named below)
Florence Wu
Director, Sweepstakes Committee

I have made their private correspondence public with you. I guess I will never be one of the prize winners now. Might as well toss it into the trash bin along with all the other junk mail. Oh dang!

Arabian Nights@Marrakesh

Belinda says:

A storm is brewing

the monsoon season hovers
even as we bring you
Arabian Nights@Marrakesh

Come dressed Arabic style
and join dancers and drummers
for the rain dance

It is happening on 27 November (Thursday)
8.30pm - 12.00am

Reality check

I don't deny my looks matter a lot to me.

I was a great looker in my day with a few beauty titles to my name oh all those years ago.

But the years march on. And the years can be cruel to womenfolk. I am not a young woman anymore, although I still turn heads on occasion (for the right reasons still, thank you.)

So I tell myself these last several years that when three young people - strangers - call me auntie in the span of one week, I will go for that face lift.

I discount the silly China sales girls, ok? What do they know? So that said, I am grateful the auntie test has not happened.

But what has happened is that several people have asked if I have put on weight recently. I have. The sweethearts followed that observation with "but you look good. You tall enough. Better don't be too thin when we get older. Or else face get wrinkled."

Sigh. I will HAVE to shed a few pounds. Then, if people start telling me I look wrinkled, I will consider that face job.

A new word

... has just been added to the Urban Dictionary.

Use conservatively or liberally.

It's happening

"Change has come..."

I'm OK I'm OK

It was a scary episode.

Tests by the ophthalmologist showed that I have bilateral visual field defects with normal IOP (intraocular pressure).

Accordingly, an MRI brain scan was ordered to eliminate all suspicious possibilities. The result: No MR abnormaility is detected in the orbits, anterior visual pathways as well as in the brain. There is no MR evidence of infarct or space-occupying lesion in the brain. In other words: no tumour, no stroke.

Additional comment: Mild prominence of CSF (Cerebral Spine Fluid) space in the optic nerve sheaths noted. Clinical correlation for any papilloedema is advised. In other words, the distortion of my eyeballs from a lifetime of high myopia has created a space in the optic nerve membrane, and this is the cause for the visual field defects. I am to be checked on a periodic basis for any change in this condition.

My episode of severe double vision was due to a decompensated squint which I likely brought upon myself for lying on my side to read in bed. Note to self : will read lying on my back only henceforth. And I will be OK.

Another fascinating fact about my brain gleaned from the scan: In the brain, the gray-white matter differentiation is preserved. In other words, my brain is intact. I am more OK than I thought possible. Wow!

October

was the month

- i started my blog two years ago.

- with the most bellydance-filled days and nights I have had in a very long time.

- I met two bloggers who have been corresponding with me for several months now. One is exactly as I imagined, the other isn't. But it was totally rewarding to finally meet them and I know it is the beginning of good friendship.

- two distasteful women who I thought were out of my life re-surfaced. I am determined that they remain far away from my thoughts and my life.

- the sun suddenly set on the financial sunshine of some of my friends. I worry for them.

- I find I have scant sympathy for the cry-babies who are only poorer compared to a few months ago, but who otherwise suffer no financial damage in any real sense.

- I had a medical scare but am sure that it will be something minor that can be managed without any drastic change to my life. Conclusive diagnosis is expected early next week. In the meantime, I am more focused about how good my life is and am happy with everything about it.

- I feel the end of the year drawing closer.