Wednesday, November 19, 2008

A very personal decision

We are soul mates and lovers. We conquered the twin obstacles of distance and time. We are finally together living our lives as we have always wanted to.

There is no need for the legal status marriage. That we have both been married before and know that the best of intentions can be attrited over time by divergent goals makes us skeptical about the institution of marriage. That piece of paper cannot keep two people together when they do not want to be; it most certainly cannot make the two love each other more. It just makes it difficult for the two to separate and get on with their lives.

So we would have been blissfully happy to carry on with the status quo, building a beautiful and meaningful life together. Over the years, we pooled our resources and capabilities. Over the years, the wealth (quantitative and qualitative) we accumulated became greater than the sum of its parts.

Then a chance reading of inheritance rights got us to thinking about legal protection. We hated the idea that at the worst possible time in either of our lives, that family has the right to challenge provisions we have made for each other.

So, quietly, on a beautiful sunny day some time ago, with just the two requisite witnesses who are the closest of friends, the man and I got married.

And nothing has changed. Not the way friends who always thought we were an old married couple viewed us; not the foes who are still waiting for bad things to happen to us, not the way we go about our lives.

There is poetic beauty in the simple clarity with which we made our decision.

15 comments:

Suzie Wong said...

sigh! no wealth accumulated enough for me to broach this subject! so i guess the birthday bash will substitute what i might be missing out! :P

Anonymous said...

that sounded so nice. so sweet. which is what i actually wanted but like as if I can

Anonymous said...

that's lovely. thanks so much for sharing something so personal.

sinlady said...

suziewong - this is not just about the money, g/f.

will not miss your birthday bash for anything.

d-bunny - aiyoh, don't talk like that lah.

imp - it's something to give thought to :)

eatdrinkplayjunkie said...

what inheritance rights? u mean u just cant simply specify things in a will?

but yes... u two are like a married couple anyway! but am happy for you all the same.

Aelgtoer said...

Congrats! I'm very sure you went in clear headed and knowing exactly what you'll be getting yourself in to. :)

Best wishes and stay happy ya? :)

sinlady said...

edpjunkie - sg does not recognise common law wife/husband status. making a will helps, but it is only saying "i want my boyfriend/girlfriend to have all my stuff". family members will just challenge it saying u were crazy.

aelgtoer - thanks :)

Anonymous said...

aiyoh. sinlady is sneaky to make me think abt that.

i have combed through the T & C to iron-clad the assets and finances bit. i'm damn sure no family member can fight the will i set out now when i'm still sane and lucid. ;p

Anonymous said...

oh btw, today's my parents 4th wedding anniversary....they are one of the most awesome couple I've known

sinlady said...

imp - i believe you have :) and you are not crazy haha

suziewong - oh, give them my heartiest congratualtions. they truly are one of the most together couples i ever met.

wildgoose said...

I always thought you were married. Thot I saw that photo of you in a leopard print dress with flowers??
Congrats anyway. :) It's good you chanced upon the law. Now I should start thinking about a will too. And the AMD...

ryan said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
sinlady said...

wildgoose - it was just a formality and it's been a while ago. i still have a hard time thinking of us as married. something very stifling about it.

dsowerg said...

Thanks for this. I understand what you mean by stifling (been there done that). I have little desire for another marriage and it's unfortunate that we need a legal status to make our intentions iron-clad.

sinlady said...

eve+line - thank YOU and *hugs*