What are you doing?

First came blogs. Then there were RSS feeds, followed by Facebook. And now, there is Twitter.

It may not be true that only morons are drawn to Twitter, but everyone on Twitter sounds like a moron.

I could not have expressed my loathing for constant updating of inanities any better.

I am old fashioned. I am still stuck in the blog era and if anybody out there wants to know what I am doing, they will have to actually read a few short paragraphs made up of sentences that convey my thoughts.

Me and the group

The truth is, I find it difficult to fit in with a group Any group. It's not like I don't want to belong. It's more like I am too different to be a real group member.

I can be on a team and work closely with a group. I can look and make-believe I am with the group. But I never feel I am really one of them.

So, when the dance friends suggested that I joined them to buy lunch for the instructor, I said yes with no hesitation. I've been in class with them about a year, and had never spent time with any of them outside of the dance sessions. I thought it was time I got to know them better.

Lunch should have been a straight-forward affair, right? We order food, we eat, we chat, we pay up, we split.

Well, no. Personality traits, strange beliefs and stranger practices came up.

The ringleader (take note that there is always one in a group) said for everyone to order their favourite dish from the huge menu. (Shades of democracy at play here.) When a dish was suggested, she vetoed the suggestion and offered an alternative. A better choice, she proclaimed. (Power play at work here.) And the others would agree. (Long established pecking order here).

They proclaimed that drinking water during the meal was harmful to one's health. I did not protest; I was trying my best to be one of the group, remember?

Believe me, every grain of rice felt like grit scraping the sides of my throat with every swallow.

They had huge appetites, and it was a delight to see them put away the food. But I really could not eat like them or I'd be zonked out for the rest of the afternoon from carbo overload. So they got on my case about not eating enough rice, which - you guessed it - was going to be detrimental to my health.

Finally, the food part of the meal was over. They ordered their hot coffees, teh's, milo's. I asked for an iced coffee (Please!! Finally, relief for my parched lips and dry throat). They said to me, "Do you know that you will get diabetes from drinking iced coffee?" I really and truly didn't. I also really and truly did not believe them. Besides I really and truly needed my iced coffee.

I got my way. I got my iced coffee. They eyed the melting ice in my glass mug with something between fascination and suspicion.

Well, as with all good things, the lunch had to come to an end. The group split up, meaning I went my way while the rest of them took off to explore the shops together. As a group.

See how I just have difficulty fitting into a group? Any group.

My lousy friends

I don't readily think of many people I know as my friends. Those I do call "a friend" are precious to me - people I trust, love and care about.

Then, I have this category of people that I have finally come to call "my lousy friends". I still care about them, and I will still happily see them when they come calling, but I would not devote too much time and effort to figuring them out.

One such friend is currently visiting Singapore. So we know we have limited time for each other. We made plans for dinner. She changed her mind when something more interesting came along, and she did not bother to tell me till I looked for her the day before our date. When was she going to tell me? Was she even going to tell me?

Another had been asking me to visit her at her new location abroad. I always felt sort of bad that I was not terribly interested in that country. Now that I have the time and finally mustered the courage, I wrote to say I will gladly come visit within these 2 months when the weather there is still pleasant. I have not heard back from her in 3 weeks. Was she going to wait till the summer sun scorches the desert sand before she tells me then is a good time, knowing I will not go then?

I see no reason the first one could not have just sms'ed me to say there has been a change of plans. And the second one to just tell me now is not a good time to visit her.

Actually, I do not know what's going through their minds or what is happening in their lives. In spite of this lapse in social etiquette, I still think they are good people. And in time I will get over my peeve..

For now, I can cope with their bad form by just thinking of them as "my lousy friends".

His other lover(s)

I thought of a particular man I know when I read this story.

Ever the Cassanova, even to this day, he has an endless string of extramarital affairs. It got to where I don't bother to remember the women's names because it will be someone else the next time I see him.

Perversely, he keeps mementos of his trysts. Photographs, love notes, gifts. All these are kept in a box stored in his office. He entrusts to his best friend the instruction that should anything happen to him to dispose of his secret stash. Under no circumstances was the friend to think he would be doing a huge favour by handing the box of secrets to the widow.

My story takes a departure from that in the news: the wife preceded him in death. He is now free to carry on with his predilection of the lusty lifestyle with single-mindedness.

Back to the story in the news: I can't help thinking how awful it must be to be robbed of the chance to cuss out the old coot.

Driving test

Everything you need to know about driving in a foreign country near you.

Wind and Fire

Last night, it was "vegetation fire" on the news feed as it streamed across the TV screen.

This morning, in the Straits Times, front page:
'Experts said that "light wind conditions" since Friday have allowed the build-up of particles in the air.'

ST reporter said, '...and with weak winds unable to blow the smoke particles away.'

I cannot decide if I am amused or tortured anymore.

Too late

This woman just missed her flight:



Oh, how I feel her anguish. haha

Love happens

Of late there has been a rash of stories on the dating industry which is experiencing an increase in uptake.

One reason given was the bleak economic times. The other was the scary prospect of spending Valentine's Day alone. Both are perfectly good reasons I guess. And I always thought love happens when it happens. Oftentimes when you least expect it. How naive of me.

As an intellectual exercise, I imagined using these services. I mentally worked through what I would say about myself - a gorgeous-looking, fun-loving free spirit who loves tropical sunsets by the beach . I would be looking for somebody who is similarly inclined.

But the reality is that what is asked and listed by the users of dating services is of sterner stuff like education, earnings current and potential, age etc. Makes me think of a job application; I feel like a reject already. And if I were accepted, would I really want to follow through and spend my days living up to the expectations I have declared.

A thousand life-times NO! Even if the chastity requirement is no longer high on the list (oh thank you that my dating history is not subject to strict scrutiny and, by the way, who uses that word anymore?)

I'd go to that beach by myself - single, free, gorgeous. I will enjoy that beautiful golden sunset by the beach. And know that I need not look so hard for love.

Because I know love will happen. It really will. Oftentimes when you least expect it.

About love

14th of February. A day dedicated to love between lovers.

Proof of love is in gifts of jewelry, chocolate, a candle lit dinner at a posh restaurant with 30 other starry-eyed couples.

Declaration of love is in the Straits Times classifieds screaming: love you forever, you are my everything, you are my life, be mine forever. There are others who have multiple loves in their lives so the declaration goes out to the number one, two or three wives. The more diplomatic and sensitive among them declare undying love to all three.

I am moved.

But something a little more subtle will move me more. Like these lines:

Nothing
in the world
is usual today.
This is
the first morning.

Izumi Shikibu (974-1034)

And in the evening, in the intimacy of my home, sitting down to a beautiful dinner cooked by the lover with so much care and thought.

Love is all around

Still my love song. After all these years.

I feel it in my fingers
I feel it in my toes
The love that's all around me
And so the feeling grows

It's written on the wind
It's everywhere I go
So if you really love me
Come on and let it show

You know I love you, I always will
My mind's made up by the way that I feel
There's no beginning, there'll be no end
'Cause on my love you can depend

I see your face before me
As I lay on my bed
I cannot get to thinking
Of all the things you said

You gave your promise to me and I gave mine to you
I need someone beside me in everything I do

You know I love you, I always will
My mind's made up by the way that I feel
There's no beginning, there'll be no end
'Cause on my love you can depend

I got to keep it moving

It's written in the wind
Oh everywhere I go
So if you really love me
Come on and let it show
Come on and let it,
Come on and let it
Come on and let it,
Come on and let it show

Yuan xiao jie (元宵節)

otherwise, Chap Goh Mei (十五暝)
While Chinese New year is usually the most dreaded of festive seasons for many, I have to confess that I actually enjoy this holiday season. It has everything to do with the fact that I am not bogged down by troublesome traditions pertaining to family or superstitions. I am free to take the time to catch up with friends, close and casual. And I did plenty of that.

It is the season we greet with good wishes. We wish for health, wealth, prosperity, success and longevity - all the conditions that define good living according to Chinese tradition.

Tonight is the last chance to ask for wishes come true.

Tonight, on yuan xiao jie, under a perfect full moon, I will ask for the one last wish that got buried in the frenzied rush for the good life.

Tonight, on the last night, under a perfect full moon, I will wish for love. An old fashioned romatic love. Between one man and one woman.

English usage and abusage

Like any proud self-respecting Singaporean, I make reading the Straits Times part of my morning ritual. I read it for its news coverage, social commentary, editorial opinion, political and philosophical analysis.

And I read it to check my understanding and use of the English language.

The following excerpts are typical examples of what appears in said paper:

1. Murdered maid was in love triangle (Home, ST February 6 2009, page C4)
"Ms Yulia Afriyanti, is alleged to have died at the hands of her lover in a crime of passion."

I understand putting one's life in somebody's hands. I understand dying in the arms of a lover. I do not understand "is alleged to have died at the hands of her lover". I don't understand the comma appearing after the victim's name either.

2. How Govt can engage netizens effectively (Forum, ST February 6 2009, page A23)
"The perceived shroud of secrecy the Internet provides users makes them feel comfortable in ventilating their darker emotions or exploring more sinister aspects of their minds."

Ventilating? Suddenly I have difficulty breathing.

I will continue to measure my standard of English proficiency against the august Straits Times. It is, after all, one of the region's oldest and most respected English-language daily newspapers and a partner in the Speak Good English movement.

The Love Hafla by Belinda@BluJaz

(click on image for enlargement)

more information here

Look at me now

What a difference 6 months make

Yes, he is a big handsome fella now

A sign

This sign is displayed outside a tailor shop.

Pray tell, what are they saying???

January

was the month
- I did very little of anything pertaining to the Chinese New Year; it has been a very pleasant month. In particular, I successfully avoided having to deal with mother after a pre new year lunch. She is more unhappy with me than usual, but that's another story for another post.

- I was back in Katong more times in one month than the entire previous year.

- I love the pockets of old Katong that I still recognize - old style homes and shops that stayed the same as if in defiance of aggressive encroachment fueled by crass modernization of the area.

- I finally got together with my favourite group of pig-out friends for a long-promised evening at the veritable grand dame of peranakan food - Guan Hoe Soon.

- I am happy that the new kid on the block - Haven's Grill (191 Joo Chiat Road, tel 63487368) across the narrow street from Guan Hoe Soon - finally got their liquor license. They are set to welcome diners looking for great western food on a street long dominated by zhi char stalls and pubs.

You were right from the beginning

I am still in the catch-up-with-friends mode. Mostly it has been great fun updating each other.

Then there are the ones who are at a cross-road in their lives. How to know which path to take? If wrong path then how? Aiyoh, let me tell you these folks can analyze and agonize till the cows come home and still not make a decision. And the more they think through the puzzle, the more off-course they become as they get mired in their own over-analysis.

It made me think of Blink: the power of thinking without thinking in which Malcolm Gladwell made the convincing case that thin-slicing is a neat cognitive trick that involves taking a narrow slice of data, just what you can capture in the blink of an eye, and letting your intuition do the work.

Rapid cognition is really a powerful decision making tool if we understand how the brain is capable of processing a life-time of experience and knowledge in the first 2 seconds that we encounter a person or situation. Our first impressions are more accurate than we usually allow ourselves to believe.

So to those of you who are still wringing your hands, pacing the floor and cannot make up your mind, I say, "Come on man. Trust yourself. You were right from the beginning."

So now either go for it, or junk it.

Houseful of Children

There is this rare breed of people who loves babies and young children. I have an aunt and uncle who are just like that.

They raised their own two children - a son and a daughter - in the 1970s. Then they helped looked after my sister's son in the 80s. My aunt also gives home tutoring to school children who often stay throughout the day until they are picked up by their parents at the end of the long work day. Theirs is a house always filled with the laughter of young children.

I truly admire this couple for the unconditional love they have for babies, infants and young children. Theirs is the only relative's home I go for a visit during the Chinese New Year season.

The aunt and uncle now have 3 grandchildren - aged 3 years, 5 months, 3 weeks. I am truly happy that they have their children's children to care for now.They are kept busy with looking after the young ones.

Very busy. And very happy.

JiaoZi - at last

I really really want to be able to fold jiaozi that is recognizable.

I studied this move by hitting the replay button many many times.

It looked easy enough. Then I put it to practice. I made many many strangely shaped things.

Until - finally - voila - jiaozi-shaped jiaozi's. Yes!

san nin fai lock to you too

For most of my adult life, I have little to do with the observances and traditions of the Chinese New Year season.

I successfully broke from having to do dinners with the family or going to various households.

I have the friends over for dinners on the non-significant days so as to avoid having to rush with everyone else at the markets and stores. In all, CNY is not all that stressful for me.

Which leaves me time to nit-pick at my ang moh chek friends who try to be fashionably Chinese during this season when they really do not know the usage of the language.

I don't know if it's just me, or it's the way the CNY days fall this time that is creating a lot of confusion with the dates. For example, when the friends say 'let's get together on the 3rd', I do not know if they mean the third day of the CNY or the 3rd of February.

Worse when they use the term gor nin loosely as in 'let's get together for gor nin fan' and they do not mean eve of CNY.

I cope by clarifying everything in standard English and using the ang moh calendar; no code-switching between Chinese dialects and Singapore accented English on something as important as dinner dates.

Hey, I managed to debunk unsavoury traditions, I certainly can overcome quirks.

San Nin Fai Lock to you too.