She's Singapore's finest

I am around my parents a lot these past weeks because of father's medical condition. My sister has taken on the task of ferrying them to the hospital and be with them for the tests, then waiting and finally getting to see the doctor. I have taken it upon myself to meet them at the hospital to give the sister some respite from mother's incessant meaningless yammering.

Mother has recently taken to repeating ad nauseum the analogy of how a flower has to naturally bloom to be beautiful; if one tries to pry the flower open, the petals will just drop off. She thought the sister and I were like these naturally blooming flowers (because we are on hand to do the necessary?)

I bit my tongue to stop myself from shouting in her face: "Are you mad? You have alienated everybody. There is no one left to see you through these bad times. We are your daughters. What else can we do? Do we actually have a choice?"

I looked at the sister. I saw vexation written all over her face. After a beat, resignation set in. She turned to mother and calmly asked, "Ah then?"

I looked at the sister with renewed respect. So pragmatic. So to the point. So Singapore born and bred, schooled and trained.

I thought to myself: This woman, surely, has to be one of Singapore's finest!

Coffee with the Imp

Many years ago, we would see each other at the few smokey pokey pubs and clubs. So smokey that even the smokers had to step out for a breath of air; so pokey (no pun intended) that sharp elbow jabs stab into your rib cage all night long.We would exchange a smile and a wave, occasionally we managed a quick catchup over the din.

It was just that kind of a place so we had just that kind of a acquaintance.

At some point, I quit the scene. And I sort of followed her comings and goings through the grapevine.

Then I came to know about her blog, and quietly followed it for a while. Where I had once thought her intelligent, I now come to appreciate the breadth and depth of that intelligence, and her critical open mindedness about things she is not certain about.

At some point, we decided to meet up again because, well, it seemed like a good idea. We finally did.

I am happy she made the time to meet me. I see in her everything I already expected. And more, much more.

I see a beautiful, confident, caring and insightful young woman. Someone I am happy to have met and kept in touch with. I wish for her a life filled with meaningful endeavours. I know she will have that.

Even if I had first met her in some smokey pokey pub :)

bye, bye, dress

Remember this dress? Remember I said I absolutely, definitely, resolutely, hated it? I could find nothing to like about the dress; I even called it hideous.

Well, I don't anymore. Hate it, that is. Somebody is buying it off me. And all of a sudden, I feel a tinge of guilt that I was not nice to it.

But I know the new owner will sayang it. So bye bye dress. You will look so pretty on the nice lady.

I will miss you from time to time.

SinLady, Happy Birthday

Sometime in my early 20s, I stopped celebrating my birthday. I learn to avoid mentioning my birthday so that over the years, people start to forget about the day.

It isn't that I don't want to celebrate my birthday with friends; I just find it terribly awkward to walk into a party that celebrates ME.

I took to looking up certain special people in my birthday month, and ask them out for a quiet dinner or coffee. To have some "only for ourselves" time again. Some sort of renewal and re-affirmation of all that is good in our lives, you know.

Because of the recent sad medical news of father, I have been keeping a low profile this time. I just do not have the energy or enthusiasm to look up anybody. I had in fact cancelled a few engagements because I didn't want to put a damper on our meeting. You know who you are, and I appreciate your understanding. I will see you again in happier times.

But, some friends gave me a birthday do anyway. And to you, I say Thank You. For the friendship you give me. For the thoughtfulness you show me. For the happy times to remember.
p.s. check out what's written on the cake! I love it!!!

She's back

I never expect to hear from her again.

I was wrong. She emailed me, asking if I remembered her, asking how we are, it's been a l-o-n-g while since we last heard from each other, do we still go to Bali, to Paul Ropp etc.

As if the unpleasant incident about trying to borrow money from me never happened!

She tells me she and husband are back in Bali, he has retired from work, and she has a rental villa available whenever we next visit Bali. Out of curiosity, I looked up the other villa that was to have been put up for sale all those years ago when she desperately needed money. It's still there, available for rent by contacting her or her husband.

So, I replied to her saying yes, I remember her, we are fine, it's been a long time, we still go to Bali and to Paul Ropp.

And, yes, I'll let her know when next I visit Bali.

You know I will do no such thing.

FON people

It has been one week of bringing Father for tests, waiting for reports to be written, waiting for the team of doctors to confer. It will be next week before we will meet with the oncologist.

During this time I have some angry moments and some regretful thoughts as the mind reaches into dark recesses and cruelly yanks out long repressed memories. Mostly, I am able to keep my emotions in check, and get through each day with as little upset as possible.

I need my equilibrium. I cannot spare any emotion to tackle nonsense right now.

I also welcome diversion that allows me to focus on happier matters. So when the makan crew woman suggested getting together for dinner at their favourite Hokkien restaurant, I said yes. Then she said to limit the per head cost to $40/-. Then she suggested we order fewer dishes. Then she said if I have friends who are not budget conscious (what did she mean, really?) please invite them.

Like I said, I welcome diversion of an enjoyable kind. I am not about to take on planning a menu for a table of 10 with tight budget constraints and be told I have extravagant taste and friends.

With no hesitation, I told her to leave me out of the dinner arrangement for now. I have too much on my mind to deal with petty details over a casual dinner date.

I don't need to deal with people who are FON (full of nonsense). Especially now.

May

was the month
I will remember as a turning point in my life.

For most of the month, I was in the US/Canada. I remember again the many attributes I love about the people: the optimism, the open heartedness, the willingness to believe you and believe in you. I benefited from this supportive environment; I become this person today because of it.

Within 24 hours of coming back, I got a phonecall from Mother with the first devastating news of Father. Now come the tests and workups. Now come so many people with so many opinions - most of whom I dislike and distrust, others are disappointing and distracting.

Through this, I am grateful for the support of the few, and for knowing myself.