The Vow
I, (name), take you, (name), to be my (wife/husband), to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.
A promise made between a man and a woman with sincerity and faith that it can be lived up to. Many could not. I include myself.
But I will still make the promise all over again because the burden of those words are borne equally by the man and the woman.
But not these. I cannot agree to start life with any man on unequal footing. Among other things, I unequivocally reject the requirement to submit to the man as head of the house.
I have sat through many religious weddings where these sentiments are preached. I always find myself flinching and recoiling inwardly when the woman pledges herself to live with these onerous conditions. Of late, I find myself questioning the intelligence and integrity of such women, and suspecting the sinister and tyrannical nature of the men.
In order that I might retain some degree of respect for the newly weds I have decided to banish myself from all religious weddings henceforth.
13 comments:
I think only Christian weddings lar. Not all religious weddings are like that, I think.
In any case, in the end, 一个愿打，一个愿挨，they happy can already lor.
johnnym - i feel the same about any and all religions which is gender biased. sadly, i think they all are.
maybe happy but intellectually bankrupt. i don't believe it's possible.
We didn't go through my vows with our pastor (totally forgot about it). So at the altar, he was making me recite things like "I will submit to you... I will obey you..."
I was seething even though I was sure it was not trickery on his part. And no my husband was not the MCP type. But frankly, I was reciting the vows through gritted teeth.
I think I had an inkling then that the marriage wouldn't last.
eve - i am curious. you never questioned the sexist teachings of the church?
I cannot remember my vows...so did my husband. THe thing about marriage is, I press the button to wash the clothes, he hang them.
I Iron them, he collects them
wahahahaha
I think I asked to custom the vows to something I like. wahahah and my man have no question about the content because he knows....we both **** care and never to argue with me! HWAHAHA
sinlady: at that time this was not an issue because I knew that
a) the man I was marrying was not an MCP and wouldn't use Scriptures as an excuse to lord over me;
b) the verses from Ephesians on wives submitting to husbands was often taken out of context; there was a portion asking husbands and wives to submit to each other;
c) I saw these verses as general commands and didn't take them personally until I had to recite those vows.
My pastor's marriage was also a very good model of mutual submission. It was an equal partnership and reflective of the ideals of marriage cited in Ephesians. Thus, the idea that this could be sexist did not arise at that point.
Anyway, the "submission" bit was just one part of the story. Like I said my husband never attempted to "assert his rights".
I can't understand how anyone can recite those vows. But like Johnny said, it's their choice. Lots of people don't actually think about their belief...
bunny - good for you haha
eve - thanks for explanation *hugs*
wildgoose - like sign on the dotted line without reading the fine print?
so sad right?! women have been fighting so hard for equality but ultimately in marriage and in the eyes of society in subtle ways, she still has to submit to her man.
edpj - yup. it's like 100 years of suffrage just got wiped out when the woman agrees to submit to the guy.
SL - you can put it that way. kinda like hearing, but not listening.
Probably the reason why people are customising their own vows.
That is a gd suggestion. Very innovative and I suspect the idea may have come from a woman...hahaha
Interestingly, despite the vows stipulating that the woman submit to the man, the man himself is not making himself worth the efforts most of the time. I am not being offensive....look at those idiots who pay for foreign brides much younger than them and have the cheek to choose for prettier gals!
wildgoose - kind of like never was serious about the vows in the first place.
bunny - customising vows do not change the sexist doctrine of the religion.
oh, those men a different kettle of fish altogether.
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