Mahjong and Satay

They tell me when I left town, I left two "foreign" experiences to remember me by.

The first is mahjong, which they continue to play one afternoon a week. They tell me the weekly game cemented their friendship over the years.

The other is satay which I made for them before there were Singapore/Malaysian/Indonesian restaurants in California; before pre-mixes for satay marinade and peanut sauce were available in Asian grocery stores. They tell me they have not tasted satay that come close to what I make.

Now that I was in town, could I do satay dinner one night? And this time, one of them was tasked to learn the recipe.

Mahjong, with satay on the side. That's my contribution to this group of friends in this town.

I am proud of that :)

Remembering old acquaintances

I am all set for the US and Canada.

I look forward to being in California again. And seeing the old friends. Maybe even manage an afternoon of mahjong with them, for old times' sake.

There are two people in the old hometown I will see again for the first time in 10 years. One is my former employer, who gave me my first job in the US. The other was the editor of our Chinese community newsletter; I was the feature writer of the newsletter for a full cycle of the Chinese horoscope (Rat year 1984 to Pig year 1995). Both women are special to me: if not for their wise counsel, I would never have grown into the person I am today.

There are many more people who have stepped into my life and made me a better person for having made their acquaintance. But I can only do so much each time, and I want to spend enough time with each one to make the reacquainting meaningful.

So, with a little more grace and patience, I will come around to seeing everybody who touched my heart and enriched my life, at least one more time...

To everything there is a season

I returned to playing mahjong after 12 long years. In the company of gracious and elegant players, the game is all about good humour and conviviality. Otherwise, it is a waste of time.

I have been asked again and again to teach the game. I almost always decline. For me, it is not a simple matter of teaching the rules of play. There are many players who can impart this information. Heck, they can even learn it online! For me, it is about one's philosophy and therefore it is about one's attitude.

I will have nothing to do with players (and learners) who view mahjong as a gambling game, whose only objective is die-die-must-win.
Good play is a lot more subtle than that. The beauty of the game is that to everything there is a season.

Try teaching that to the philistines.

Mahjong for the weekend

I sat down to play a full game (and half) of mahjong over the weekend. It was the first time I played in about 10 years.

I love the game. But I am particular about how the game is played, and with whom I sit down with.

I do not like players who are:
- overly noisy (slam cards, yell and yelp when the winning tile shows up).
- overly whiny when experiencing a losing streak.
- not happy whether winning or losing.
- try too hard to build a strong hand.
- impatient if anybody needed to take a second to consider a move.

You get my drift.

I am very "zen" in my game style, if I am at a table with fairly good skills. I let the cards just come (or not). I particularly enjoy a good game at a table with superior game-masters.

For many years, I had the privilege to play with some of the most gracious and elegant mahjong players; they were impeccable in their game etiquette. I like to think that some of their behaviour rubbed off on me.

So, for the first time in a long time, I played the game again with new found friends and I found I liked their style.

They said they enjoyed having me, and I was happy to hear that.

When they asked if they could get me again when they needed a fourth, I said "Yes!"

When they asked if they could get me again when they needed a third, I said "No!"

Like I said, I love this game too much to have to play it in any slap-dash fashion. Heh,..

Dumb foreigner in our midst

I really do make a genuine and brave effort to not show my instant dislike for people I take an instant dislike to.

Even when the person is a smug pompous ass. Even when the person has an unfounded sense of superiority of herself and her nationality. Even when I find her usage of the term "expatriate" to describe her presence in Singapore offensive and obnoxious. (These days, they are all foreign workers to me. They come in two packages - the too-well paid and the less -well paid).

I stoically let her bend my ear as she rattles off all the wonderful activities she is involved in to promote/preserve her country's culture and language in foreign Singapore: coffee mornings, bridge afternoons, golf days with her fellow country folk.

Then she mentioned that her foreign club also offers mahjong games.

Out of curiosity, I asked the most basic but pertinent Chinese question of this most Chinese of all games: what sort of stakes do you play?

The foreign bitch practically spat her answer at me: "We do not play mahjong to gamble! We play for enjoyment and for the social aspect of the game. We talk about anything as we play."

Stupid me thought to give her one last chance to bridge a cultural gap here, saying, "We do all the social parts too when we play mahjong. But if no money is involved, you take nonsense risks and throw the game. And you don't have to keep the winnings. The winnings can be collected over time and donated to charity."

I would have accepted, by way of concession to my point, a lame reason like it would create problems if money is involved because they are a social club. But noooo...

Foreign bitch said with rabid self-righteousness, "It is illegal to gamble in Singapore!"

Sigh. She has used up my be-nice-to-dumb-arrogant-foreigner quota for the evening.

Without further fuss or flap, I simply turned my back to her and started a tentative conversation with the stranger sitting to the other side of me.

Growing old

Growing old has been on my mind of late.

It could be that our government has been busy making plans for us: active lifestyle, longer work years and, eventually, nursing homes here or across the causeway. I get particularly nervous when Singaporeans are told to reflect on how to adapt and adjust to this 'silver tsunami'.

A tsunami is a seismic sea wave; it leaves behind indescribable damage every place it hits. How exactly are we supposed to react to news of tsunamis be they tidal, economic or silver? With dread of course.

I was around old people a lot for many years in my younger days.

I played mahjong with a group of elderly women. This weekly social activity was what they looked forward to. When one of them fell terminally ill, we carried on the weekly game even at the hospital. I felt a happy sadness when it was mentioned at her memorial service how being able to carry on playing mahjong helped her through the darkest moments of end-stage illness.

When I had to put together a fashion show of cheongsams for the Chinese Women's Club, I made sure a particular older woman was in the show. She was really still beautifully regal and elegant, but we were fast losing her as a person to Alzheimer's. It was not easy working her into the show but it was made possible with the help of the other models. Her family video taped the show. And till today, I am happy knowing that a short film exists that shows this special woman - mother, grandmother, aunt, friend - when she looked beautiful one last time for her loved ones to admire.

I have to share my honest opinion about old people: they are a difficult lot to like. They can be cranky, grumpy and impossibly demanding one day, and sweet, caring and co-operative the next. And if you are taking care of them during their illness and end days, the experience can leave you physically exhausted and emotionally drained.

But when I think of what a difference those efforts have made to these people when they were with us, and what beautiful memories they left for their families and friends, I am happy I did what I did when I was able to.

These days, I am still around old people a lot.

And growing old has been on my mind a lot of late.

Because these days, I am practically one of them.

FOR MAY

Thank you for making today perfect.

Now tell our mahjong friends in the kampong of Bakersfield I miss them, and it would make me very happy if they visit me here.

Happy HAPPY HoLiDaYs to all you special people!!