The coundown

I have been busy getting my life in order these last few days left to the year.

Yesterday I shopped for groceries. Then furiously vacuumed, dusted, wiped every surface in the home. Even rearranged furniture.

Today is a day of furious cooking. We will sit down to a fairly elaborate dinner paired with elegant wines. I will see the new year in with this small group of friends and their family.

I wish I could have more friends joining us, but one big tableful is all I can manage at any one time. The rest of you I will see very soon into the new year. I promise.

There will be another lot that I will not bother with any more. My relationship with them has been too lob-sided for too long. They have been too trying for too long in too many ways. I am better off without them, although I will never be able to figure out what went wrong.

While I am working on the to-drop list, I also sent sms to several numbers on my mobile. I will delete all the ones that I get no response from by January 2. Frankly, I don't remember who half of these people are.

In the next week, I will also go through my huge collection of calling cards. The ones I have not used in 5 years I figure I will never need again. I will get to deleting email addresses by the same criterion.

My contact list will be radically shortened. It is a good way to start over.

Hello new year.

A journey

I'd be safe and warm
if I was in LA
California dreamin'
on such a winter's day

If I have my way, these last weeks of the year would go like this:

I get into Los Angeles the week before Christmas and see as many of my friends as I can. Maybe do last minute shopping with them. Maybe even do some cook-ahead Christmas dishes for them.

I will drive to Santa Barbara on Christmas eve, and check into my favourite hotel - the Fess Parker Doubletree Hotel.

Maybe I will have my best girlfriend with me. Maybe not. I really just want to be by myself, do my own thing in my own way at my pace. Just chill. I do not want to have anybody with me whom I have to take feelings into consideration. My best girlfriend will let me be like that. Yeah, I probably will have her with me. That is if she wants to.

Get into one of my favourite malls. Into one of my favourite shops. Catch the mood of last minute desperate frenzied shopping. Watch clueless husbands buy useless lingerie that wives will return the morning after Christmas.

I will have room service for Christmas eve dinner. And watch old movies after.

Christmas day will be on the beach. Roller-blading. Playing with other people's dogs. Christmas night dinner at the hotel restaurant - whatever is on their menu is alright by me.

Day after Christmas is my turn to shop. With a vengeance. I swoop up anything that catches my eye, tickles my fancy. I stop when I am spent (emotionally and near financially) or when the shops close, whichever comes first.

I want to take the next few days at a leisurely pace. Visit the Santa Barbara Mission. Drive into the St Inez mountains. Stroll State Street all over again. Pet every dog I meet. Then get on the byways and highways of Greater Los Angeles. Stopping wherever I find interesting enough to stop for.

On New Year's eve, I will get into Pasadena. Finally to do this one thing I have always wanted to do once in my life while I am still able-bodied - be at the Rose Parade on New Year morning.

It will not matter what I do the rest of New Year's Day.

I only know that the next day, I will finally be ready to drive back to Bakersfield, to a storage unit I have maintained all these years. A repository for ghosts - promises broken, dreams unrealised, the many things that just didn't work out. Somewhere in there are also pieces of memory that I am now willing to live with.

I will perform the exorcism to rid the physical and emotional baggage I no longer need to hold on to. I will salvage the memories that will see me through the years ahead.

And then, finally, I am ready to come back to my life here and now.

If I didn't tell her
I could leave today
California dreamin'
on such a winter's day

I wanna be free

The only way I want to live

I wanna hold your hand
walk along the sand
laughing in the sun
always having fun
doing all those things
without any strings to tie me down

I wanna be free
like the warm September wind, babe
say you'll always be my friend, babe
we can make it to the end, babe
Again babe, I gotta to say

I wanna be free
I wanna be free
I wanna be free...

This Christmas

when I was small, and christmas trees were tall
do do do do do do do do do ...


don't ask me why, but time has passed us by
someone else moved in from far away ...

Don't ask me why, but this Bee Gees hit kept playing in my head. I don't even really know what it's trying to say, like so many other Bee Gees songs. Doesn't stop me from liking it though.

I feel the usual year end blah taking over. I feel this way every year, no matter where I am, no matter what I do. I have come to accept it.

Christmas is not my favourite holiday season. And this year, for the first time in the six years I have been back, I did not pick up the phone to call my friends in California on their Christmas Eve afternoon.

Because they would be too busy getting ready for their dinner.

Because I miss them especially during this time of the year.

Because they are there and I am here and that is that.

So instead, I choose to remember them in my heart.

Along with the friends who are not faring well because of illness.

And others who are no longer with us.

This Christmas, I prefer to remember my friends in the old hometown quietly. In my heart.

What friends do

It was a most delightful invitation. "Come to my place for Xmas eve dinner."

It was a most wonderful arrangement. "All the friends will do the cooking."

It was a most pleasant request. "Could you do Apple Crumble Pie for the dessert?"

The pleasure is mine, friend. And there will be a couple more extra pies to keep for yourself.

Mimolette - where everything is pretty

Your first thought as you walk towards the restaurant is, "How pretty everything is." The lush surrounding, the soft uplights showing off stag ferns nestled on branches of majestic mature trees, the old colonial house sitting pretty in this peaceful surrounds.

A soft amber glow wraps you when you walk through that funky red front door. In the background, soft strains of bosa nova sets the mood and tempo of the place that is gentle on the spirit.


The restaurant opened to mixed reviews earlier in the year. But I have absolutely no complaints. Every course of the meal has a nice little twist that surprises the jaded taste buds. It has to be fusion food at its best - strongly western in its core with a touch of the eastern for its accent.

And as you walk away from the restaurant after a perfectly enjoyable evening, your last thought of the place has to be, "How pretty everything is."

And there was light

What is Christmas without the Christmas lights?

Think Christmas in the Tropics on Orchard Road.

Now see how Bakersfield homes light up for the season.

And then there is this.

Man, I must be really missing that old hometown.

Home for the Holidays

This is the first time in six years I let myself recall Christmases of another lifetime ago, in another place I called home for 15 years, and remember the beautiful times I shared with friends who made the season so special.

Winter weather was miserable. I remember icy cold mornings oftentimes blanketed in thick tule fog that would not lift for days. I remember even more miserable evenings - when nightfall came at 5pm and the temperature would plummet from 15C to 6C in 2 hours.

I did not grow up with any Christmas tradition in my childhood. As a young adult, Christmas was all about parties and clubbing.

So that was the period in my life when I first encountered real Christmas celebration, so to speak.

Every home done up for the season. The Christmas tree resplendent with trimmings and ornaments. Carefully wrapped gifts sitting prettily under the tree, waiting to light up somebody's eyes on Christmas morning. Christmas lights twinkling inside and outside of the home.

The smells of the season - of baking cakes, breads, cookies and pies. Of firewood smoke puffs from chimneys. Of scented candles and incense adding to the warmth of hearth and home when we came in from the cold.

Above all, it was the friendship extended to me, unreservedly expressed in the form of open house, open arms, open hearts.

I miss you girls terribly during this time of the year. And I will come home for the holidays one of these years.

Ragazzi the Italian Kitchen

The friends have been raving about this stall that serves up real Italian fare in Ghim Moh estate.

We immediately checked out the place because

1. Ghim Moh is conveniently around the corner from where we live.
2. We are always on the lookout for good casual Italian dining.
3. It's a novel concept (hey, it's what makes life interesting).

Ragazzi has a decent menu of the expected starters, soups, salads, pasta and meats. The quality of food is really decent. The prices are unbeatable.

I would mention two shortcomings that the owner-operator might want to look into.

1. Our food came in jumbled order. The explanation was that they could not handle the onslaught of orders on a particular course. Oh well, I could live with that.

2. There is only tiramisu for dessert. Trust me - pass on it.

Ragazzi the Italian Kitchen is located at
Block 10 Ghim Moh Road,
Gim Eating House.
S. 270010
Tel: 96934228

She must love us

to go through this much trouble.

A multi-course festive meal carefully planned and painstaking prepared from scratch.

Every detail in place. Every need taken care of. Everything was perfect.

Thank you, kawan,

for the wonderful evening,

for the generous hospitality,

and most of all,
for the invaluable friendship.

And the moral of the story is ...

This time two years ago, this was the arrangement she made with me:

I would do Christmas eve dinner, she would do New Year eve.

In the end, I did both Christmas and New Year's because she said her place was too small for the crowd.

This time last year, she made this arrangement with me:

I would do Christmas eve dinner, she would do New Year eve.

On 27 December, she phoned to tell me that 31 December was Hari Raya Haji. Her maid would like the day off and therefore she would do New Year eve dinner on the 30th of December.

This time, she made this arrangement with me:

We would each take care of our own Christmas plans, and I would do New Year eve dinner.

Early this week she phoned to say she would like to do New Year Eve dinner at her home because she had some people she had to take care of. Could I cancel/change my New Year eve plans with my friends at my home accordingly?

I said this time let's she and I take care of our own Christmas AND New Year plans.

I think this time, something finally clicked in my brain.

(The) Remains of the Day

A head butler who comes from a family tradition of personal service whose only goal in life is to serve his employer to the best of his ability.

At the expense of love.

At the expense of emotion.

At the expense of personal happiness.

A life of unquestioning loyalty, unexplored romance, unexamined opportunity. In what remains of the day, there is a hint of regret, but no self-pity.

I could not see giving up my life for tradition or career. My life is mine to live the best I know how till the end of days.

She's so pretty

Hello world.

Meet baby Kiara.

Handmade Dim Sum@Shanghai Ren Jia

The small eatery is named 上海人家 (Shanghai Ren Jia)

I am not certain whether they mean Home of Shanghai People or simply Shanghai People.

The place is very small. There are maybe 8 tables that seat 4 people each. The place looks utilitarian in spite of attempts at softening the harsh starkness with posters of the famous Shanghai Tang, arty table cloth and various symbols of wealth.

But this is the place to come for truly made-from-scratch dim sum. Expect to wait for your order of handmade xiao lung pao and shen jian bao because these are made only upon order. If you are in a hurry, it is a good idea to call ahead to place your order.

Our lunch was lah mein, xiao long bao and shen jian bao. Dessert was panfriend red bean paste pancake.
Straightforward. Simple. Satisfying.

Exactly how a home-style dim sum lunch should be.

This is definitely our current favourite dim sum joint.

Shanghai Ren Jia Dim Sum is located at
906B Upper Thomson Road
Singapore 787110
Tel: 64567752

Popiah @ Home

The man and I finally found the mood, time and courage to do homemade popiah dinner for the friends.

My impression of popiah from early memory and friends' remarks is the nightmarish amount of work involved.

Well, my recollection was not altogether off the mark. There is no getting around the labour intensive slicing and cutting of vegetables that make up the popiah filling. It took me more than 3 hours to get through 3 kgs of vegetables. And I am NOT slow.

But it was not nightmarish, and it was certainly worthwhile effort.

We had a wonderful time with the food. And an even more enjoyable time with the company. There was the update of a wedding. And all those travel tales to share.

The thoughtful friends took care of dessert.


This velvety rich chocolate truffle cake is my all-time favourite sinful finish to any meal.

I *heart* these people.