August
was the month
I would remember for two reasons.
The man turned 60. We gathered friends and family for his birthday dinner party. It was as much dinner as party, with a really class act put together with the dance friends. And I remember again what a beautiful gift a dance makes, for the giver and the recipient.
My parents are relentlessly toxic as parents, and as people. I grappled with my feelings about them, about my role as their daughter in May, June, July. Sometime this month, the decision was made for me by Mother. I am now out of the world of distrust, mistrust, disappointment, misunderstanding, delusion and mischief which the parents created and continue to live in. I remember again why I left them in the first place.
I have removed my earlier posts on Mother because I felt it was time I erased bad memories of bad parents. I find now that I was not wrong about them, so I will retrieve and re-post them. As well, I have no need to write in a closed blog. I stand by what I write.
I would pop that bottle of champagne if I could still drink. For I am, indeed, truly, back.
8 comments:
ah. toxicity can kill. i wish you a lifetime of antidote to deal with them. i have my own venom-land to deal with. *high 5 sista!*
-tuti
tuti - thank you. main thing is, i don't feel bad about my decision.
^5 back, sista!
toxic parent in my case, and if you've read what I wrote, you'd know which parent I'm talking about.
Being so far away, I thought I was safe from the toxicity, but I wasn't, because I allow myself to get involved, and to feel, and be affected. Deeply. I too have made a decision some two months back, after a phone call that left me in tears and an emotional wreck for a week. What I feel, after making the decision to finally distance myself, is a feeling that's beyond words. It is a feeling of Calmness, and strength. Makes sense, doesn't it, that when you've decide to rid yourself of toxic, health and strength will return to you? I can only imagine the sense of relief you must be feeling with the decision that you've made. Good for you. :)
and here's wishing a happy belated birthday to your man.
jomel - i hear you and thanks for sharing your story.
the man took a whole week to recover from his birthday bash :)
The long-ranging effects of parenting.... I still am not sure how to deal with mine. All I can hope for is to be able to move out in the next two years, so i can have space to be my own person.
wildgoose - i hope you do get your own place. you never come into your own otherwise.
toxic friends easier to get rid of. toxic family members we are stuck for life! yah WG, better to live far far away.... EDPJ
edpj - toxic family is forever? wah, don't think i can tahan leh.
just kidding. all is good with me.
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