The days of the Chinese New Year

I am having a hard time sorting out the Lunar New Year days and dates. It has everything to do with the first day of the LNY falling on Thursday 3rd February. I cannot explain why new year being early and starting in the middle of the week confuses the heck out of me.

To add to the confusion, my English educated friends choose this time of the year to show off their non-existent Chinese-ness. There is something very jarring about the way they switch between referring to the Chinese Lunar calendar and the Gregorian one. They mention sam sap man, nin chor yat, nin chor ee, etc, then in the next breath they say that means the 2nd hor, 3rd hor, the 4th hor.

The numbers 30, then 1 through 15 are involved in the LNY. But do the people who are half baked in Chinese and English know what days they are referring to?

Maybe they do. Which means maybe I don't.

So, on some day during the eve of and during the 15 days of the Lunar New Year, I am sure I will see you at the right place on the right day.

Gong Xi Fai Cai :)

Tito !!

For Tito fans among you:

The Chinese in me?

The rounds of meet-ups and catch-ups aren't done. The baking duties aren't done. And I am not complaining. I am actually enjoying all these activities, and of course, seeing the friends.

I am careful about not over-doing the merry-making during the ang moh year-end holiday season. I never embraced the oft-touted giving spirit of the season or the notion of starting a brand new year with renewed hopes and goals at the end of the month-long binge drinking.

For the Chinese one, I am happy to go the extra mile. I don't complain about the tong tong chang music that fills the air. I smile at the garish red and gold decorative what-nots. I am intrigued by the fuss and fluster that go into making sure the multitude of deities-in-residence are happy in every household.

I have roles to play out for the Chinese New Year. The ones I don't like, I junk them altogether where I can. Where I cannot, I compromise to where the annoyance is minimal. The rest I gladly fulfill.

I think *gasp* the Chinese in me is showing. And I am happy about that.

He never knew me

It has been 10 years since I left the ex, left the US, left the life that holds some of my fondest memories of friends, occasions and places.

I have little communication with the ex. There is no point. He is a lovely man. It is just sad that I grew up, he and I grew apart, and eventually, I had to leave just so I could make sense of myself.

Every year, he sends me a Hallmark card of the "you are special to me" variety at Christmas time. Every year, I email him to thank him for the card. Every year, I dread this predictable short communication which always brings up hurt and pain which I suppress all year long.

This time, he asked a simple question in the card: Do you ever feel lonely?

With deep sadness for him, I wrote back: No, I don't ever feel lonely.

I did not elaborate because he could not possibly understand: I have never been lonely, I cannot understand the state of being lonely, I actually enjoy being by myself.

I am sad all over again for the way things turned out in the end for him and me; sad that he will never understand I left because he never knew me, never heard anything I said, never cared for the things that are important to me.

He will forever believe my leaving was an act of selfishness. And I will let him belabour that mistaken notion.

Because he never knew me, he never heard me, he never cared to know what is important to me.

Travel Morocco

I've always imagined I'd love to visit Morocco. Specifically, I imagine I'd love to visit Marrakesh. I just never worked out how to go about this trip.

I never figured out how to move around the city once I got there. The friends who've been all loved Marrakesh, speaking of beautiful riads, lovely cafes, good food in beautiful restaurants, great shopping at the souks. They purposefully ignore my questions about the chaos.

I want to be a participant, not merely a spectator. I don't know how I can do that in Morocco. I definitely dislike having a tour guide, usually a self-proclaimed expert, yammering in my face.

This may be the answer:
It all takes place in Fez, but I guess it's similar enough to Marrakesh, right? And the Fes Festival sounds interesting.

I am still thinking about it...

December

was the month
filled with festive cheer and celebration.

I coped well with the cooking and baking duties for the many dinner parties by refusing to over-extend myself. I was surprised, and then pleased and grateful, that I stayed pain-free through the busy month of cook-by-day and party-by-night.

I am happy to see the friends who took time from their block-leave for coffee. I am happy to have time with friends who came through here on their holiday tour of Asia. And I am happy that on the last day of the year, I was with friends and family to see another good year out, and wish for them that the new year will be good to them.

And somewhere in the back of my mind, I am aware that I have not seen or heard from Mother this whole month. And then, as quickly as the thought came to the fore for the moment, it got pushed right back to oblivion.

For this shall remain the month of festive cheer and celebration.