Is it Art?
Or is it History?
He was my shelter, my refuge. With him and in him, I found reason to believe again. We drew comfort and strength from one another. He was everything to me, as I was to him.
He adored THE BODY. He was moved to studio lights, backdrops and shutter speeds. The result? Beautiful arty nudes. Over a period of three short years, a serious body of work was developed.
To this day, I see in every piece of his work a masterpiece of feminine beauty, intimacy and grace. I have never looked more beautiful or loved.
So the man put to me this question: If a woman enters into a relationship bringing with her these art nudes which in quality and quantity is worthy of a private gallery, how is the new love supposed to react to this?
Should he
(a) Be big about this and graciously accept her stand that this is a work of art that she treasures? or
(b) Kick up a fuss and refuse to have them in the new relationship on grounds that these are physical reminders of a past love relationship?
What would I do if asked to choose?
What would you do?
18 comments:
I'd find someone who accept me as I am, my history, warts and all.
We are afterall the sum product of our experiences. To deny any part of it is to take away what makes us us.
wa! why must ask this kind of question leh? Think i'll just bluff I use self-timer to take these pictures myself. Think it's quite believable since i can set self-timer, run to the pole and pose within that 10secs! Problem solved!
He should definitely be gracious. And I can't agree more with JM. Besides, if it doesn't remind you of the past relationship, it shouldn't bother him.
By the way, I still wear the watch my ex gave me and it doesn't bother B at ALL! and no, he's not buying me a new watch. Lol
hmmm. it depends on what stage this new relationship is in and how deep the commitment is.
if they're mine, i'd actually throw them away, because it reminds me too much of a past that hurts. i don't like keeping any momentos at all.
if it's the man's, i'd also want them thrown away because they'd piss me off everytime i look at it. heh.
i can always have it redone with current man. so my memory is of him. that will be the way i prefer.
jm - like WG, I totally agree.
sw - wah, so sneaky!
wg - tell B you really can use another watch:) Esp the FM we ooh'ed and aah'ed over.
imp - interesting take. We talking brand new relationship when we can't get enough of each other.
Junking the collection is like erasing a part of me. I will not do that.
And I will never look that good again LOL
haha... i probably will say the same thing as what sw suggests, and given the quality of the pictures i can always say that i went to a professional to get it done...
but i might stack it away private so what he doesnt know, doesnt hurt.
i remember chancing upon my bf's exes' pics (yes many exes), and it really pissed me off for a long time. but then again like wat one of my guy fren says, it is probably like his list of 'triumphs', like certificates, hahaha
ahhh...brand new relationship at its early stages yes? then no issue for me. i wouldn't be living with the guy anyway. i'd have my own apartment and if i really like those photos, i'll still display it. i'll tell him to deal with it since it's MY apartment, not his. heheheh. i'm sure he has lots of stuff stashed away too. and if that's HIS apartment, i won't make demands.
but if we're living together, then my first comment applies!
In that sense, I'm very 'heng'. Mine volunteered to clear everything out even before i knew him. So adament to get on with a new life besides rid of photos, ornaments and all, also shed kilos, get a new look. I'm the one still working for the ex, using the old handbag (because new one he bought very nice and I usually chuck my bag around in filthy hotel kitchens during shows, so just stick with old one la) and old watches bought by ex. No choice, they not spoilt yet and I'm very frugal person, won't change til breakdown.
Important is whether that piece of material is part of you or part of 'him'. If he is wearing say a 'ring' as a remembrance of 'his relationship with her', then i'll say 'junk him'
edpjunkie - what certificates?!! lol.
I generally won't keep momentoes either, but I did keep a few nice photos (that has me) cos I usu don't like to have photos taken. Would have very few photos if I junk all those.
SL - Would be telling a man who doesn't wear a watch and shops maybe once a year. :D
edpj - wah, how many sneaky friends do I have? LOL
imp - I understand your stand about not bringing baggage into the new home/life. I really do.
But my collection is art. Not baggage.
sw - I am impressed with Spider's makeover and overhaul :)
wg - He can keep to his not-wear-a-watch and shop once a year habit. You want that FM!! Abt the pics - ya, when you have pics where you looked so beautiful, cannot junk them right?
Hi,I just popped over from Ming's blog. I'd say be gracious and to accept her stand though naturally in a relationship both need to be sensitive to the other person's feelings.
If the subject matter is as you mentioned, nudes that are artistic, I see no reason why he should kick up a fuss and if he does, face it, he's downright inconsiderate. But as Ming said, the distinction blurs a little for items which have a greater symbolic or sentimental value like a ring given by an ex.
Wearing it would be downright rude but what about stowing it away (if the guy happens to be the sentimental type)? Stuff like that might not be so clear but I guess at the end of the day, going with your instincts might be the best thing to do.
No. Can't junk beautiful pix. As for the watch, we'll see. :)
i wish i had such reminders. he took everything back though, and what he didn't take, i threw back at him. so i really have NOTHING, displayable or not.
so i say keep 'em! they're a part of your history ... and let's face it, we all come with a little baggage.
that said though, i have double standards. if the sweetie had displayable "baggage," i'd cut off his bits before i would let him display anything. HAHAHAHHAHHA! And that's the honest truth.
i'm bad.
aelgtoer - I hear you. But this collection is just not negotiable.
wg - :)
simone - you ARE bad. We still love you *hugs*
Lol yeah I totally agree with you on this. Those pics should NOT be junked, i don't even see why any sensible person would object to them.
A person who does has to be either neurotic and overly possessive or downright paranoid. Maybe a bit of both. ^^ Which at any rate is not good.
Just in case you missed it, mind if I link to you?
aelgtoer - (^-^). I've added you to blogfriends.
I've added you too :) I like your post about the 5 Cs, that's totally true. Maybe we should add one more, the Company we have.:)
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